‘Do you think I have lost it ?’ He would often ask his loved ones, bit smiling but behind his smile he kind of looked for validation and an answer saying, ‘no my dear, you are absolutely fine, you just need little time’.
That felt right, time to be with himself, to find what was lost, or just the realization that nothing never goes anywhere, nothing is lost, it’s all here, waiting to be seen and embraced.
‘Go towards the mountains’, the jain monk had told him or did he made him tell him that, because that’s what he wanted to hear, anyway he came to the mountains.
Rishikesh, the spiritual market of India. He felt a bit of judgment and sarcasm as he said that to himself, but in the first look that’s what it felt. Ashrams, in every corner, yoga classes in all mixed forms and in all places, all kinds of healing and therapies, and spirituality seeking every bit of your attention, which was already lost in first place. But in this chaos, there was a kind of invisible harmony, a remembrance of a past life , a longing to unite. ‘Who am I to judge other people’s path, aren’t we all seekers?’, He reminded himself. ‘All of us looking for that small bit of connection, that affectionate touch, that kind gaze, which says ‘my dear its all fine, you just need a little time’.
After 11 days of pilgrimage, from one place to another, it was very clear it was time to go inwards, towards his heart, towards self love. ‘Am I breaking my pilgrimage, am I running again without finishing it, like so many relationships in past’ ? But his heart, which now felt silent and in peace in this chaos city, next to holy river Ganges, said to him, ‘dearest look at the flowing river, does she resists anything? To be able to flow in the path of love, you embrace everything that arises and comes on your way.
Like a turtle, which sometimes he felt he resembled, he went in his shell, hibernating to be in a space of silence, love and self reflection, till it was time to move out again.