Today I took a day off. Spent the day in the bus, went for a long walk to the memorial tower in the hill. The wind was strong and my heart bit weak. Feeling the time here is complete now, ready to move on. Time in the camp can emotionally effect you, like the small stream of water going through the rocks in time. In last three weeks, I have seen and experienced so much, from police tear gassing to stop migrants from climbing the Lorries in a traffic jam, to some people trying to escape at the back of a Lorry and being caught. From stories of helplessness to courage and optimism. From dreams of past to hope for future. I feel I have experienced so much in so little time. And sometimes it can be emotionally overwhelming. In several moments I have felt like crying, feeling the common pain and bit helplessness to do anything about it, all I could say was ‘ brother I will pray for you’.
Three more days to go. Leaving for Brussels and then to the retreat in Switzerland. With my energy bit low now, I wonder what happened. Maybe one of those days. I hear the bollywood songs in loop, the soothing voice of Arjit singh warms my heart and makes me think of unrequited love. The volunteer work here inspires me to do more service work in different countries.
I am learning to answer the question ‘what do I do ?’ With ‘I am a pilgrim, happy to go where I am offered food and shelter and some love.
A friend asked me what am I seeking. What else there’s to seek than love, but love that is without conditions, love that never gives up on you, love that embraces you and yet not holding you back. Yet I know that this love can be found only within our own selves and yet like the musk deer, who dies in desperation searching for the fragrance, not knowing that she herself carried it within, we too enjoy the longing of love, seeking which is already within us, enjoying this pain because through this suffering our poem of life is born.